alissechristine's Xanga

Three Weddings and a Funeral

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 03:24:07 GMT

Okay, so I figured an update on my life was much needed. So much has happened this summer; so much has changed. I feel like a completely different person from the one I was in May. So here goes....
This was the summer of three weddings and a funeral. So much joy amidst so much pain. It's hard to put into words how I feel about everything that's happened in the last eleven weeks. There have been multiple times where I have tried to talk about something that happened, but I felt odd leaving out the parts that can be difficult to mention. It seemed somewhat like a lie to say that I was thrilled about something when I was feeling the opposite emotion about something else.
I left Taylor at the end of May unsure of where I was in life. It felt like I was cutting myself out of everything that had happened at Taylor in April. It was ... easier it seemed to just leave without dealing with the emotions that I felt. So I did. It probably wasn't the most healthy thing to do, but it was so much better than thinking about it at the time.
I spent my last week at Tayor scrambling to study for finals, frantically finishing the yearbook, packing, and saying goodbyes. I don't remember a lot of detail from that week, except for a few that really struck me. Someone who I consider a good friend had what TU students call a "carefrontation" with me the last week of school that hurt. A lot. I still don't know how I feel about the situation except that it left me with a sour taste in my mouth for the so-called Taylor community. I think looking back on it, things were said in haste that shouldn't have been said. I've gotten over the words, but not how they were said.
When I got home after spending several sleepless nights with our dear yearbook advisor working on that dreadful project, I crashed. I think I slept (and watched TV) for two days straight. Finals were over, sophomore year was over, and I needed to rejuvinate.
I talked to Giordano's, got on the schedule to waitress, and started my summer off the following week.
The first wedding I went to this summer was Bryan and Claire Smith's. It was beautiful. For those of you who don't know, Bryan is Matt's cousin. The wedding was in Michigan in June and despite a brief rainstorm the night of the rehearsal, everything went off without a hitch. After the wedding , Matt, his parents, sister, and I went up to Mackinac Island for a fun vacation. I had never been there, and I had a really great time getting away for a week or so (see previous post for photos).
When I got back from the wedding, I started working several nights a week as a waitress. I got to know a lot of new people and I really enjoyed their friendship over the last three months. Sometimes I made a lot of money ... and other times I didn't. But I can't say it wasn't interesting. I loved my regular tables (especially the cute old couple that always ordered spaghetti with meatsauce and italian sausage and gave me a $10 tip every time).
In the middle of June I was called on to serve as a nurse, chauffeur, and cook for poor wisdom-toothless Matt. By nurse I mean push vicodin, by chauffeur I mean get a speeding ticket in middle-of-nowhere Indiana, and by cook I mean go to Panera and by smoothies. But at least I was appreciated :)
The next wedding I attended was Melissa and Brad Moser's. I cried a lot at that one. It was so beautiful to see how far they have come as a couple in the last year and a half. I adore Brad so much more because of how faithful and loyal and loving he was to Melissa through her sickness and heart surgery. I also got to spend several days with my good friend Megan and her boyfriend. I revisited parts of Chi-town that I haven't seen since I was eight. It was great.
The following week came the most difficult part of my summer. After struggling for four weeks with advanced stages sarcomas (a rare form of cancer), Caitlyn's dad passed away in his sleep. He was too young. All I wanted to do through all of it was be there for my best friend, but what do you say? How do you say I am so sorry beyond words and not make it sound mundane? I don't know, and I don't think I ever will know. It brought up a lot of stuff that I didn't deal with at the end of the school year, and it pushed my emotions to the limit. However, I will say that I was glad to see so many people rally around Caitlyn and her family, even though most of us hadn't seen each other in over a year. The best news is that I will go to Florida to visit Caitlyn this year and I truly cannot wait.
After another month of spilling ranch and creamy garlic dressing on myself at Giordanos (never knew I could smell so bad), I took a week off to fly to Arizona with the aforementioned Melissa for Emily and Anders Helquist's wedding. YAY!! FINALLY!! This was just last week and I think I can say this was one of the best part's of my summer. Emily called me a few weeks before the wedding and asked me to be her "personal attendant" for the wedding. I was honored. Em was one of my best friends at TU freshman year and I got to personally see her's and Anders' relationship change and grow. Emily, Anders, Matt and I all worked on the paper together and consquently spent many many hours together.
Emily made the perfect blushing bride as she planned, coordinated and set up her entire wedding. She was confident, happy, and non-stressed the entire week. The ceremony was gorgeous - a late evening wedding lit by candles with romantic red to accent the wedding white. I had so much fun and I will post photos of the pre-wedding fun on my photoblog later.
So. That was my summer (mostly). I leave for Taylor in three days and tonight was my last night as a summer waitress. I got accepted into the Irish Studies Program for the spring semester and I leave on January 19th. I plan on making the most of last four months in the states. In three days I will embark on my last semester living in English Hall. I will face the things that I avoided for the beginning of the summer with newfound strength. I will spend the next sixteen weeks studying, working on the newspaper, but most of all-having relationships. Because if I learned anything from my three weddings and a funeral it was that people are by far the most important.

new blog

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 20:02:33 GMT

I have a new blog. It is dedicated to the photos that I have taken and am currently taking. You can go visit, view, and comment if you like. The url is http://alissegoldsmith.blogspot.com/ Enjoy!

shock

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 00:38:22 GMT

how do i process this: http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/newssentinel/14710138.htm
see this blog for more details - too much to go into right now
so many mixed emotions all at once

missing love

Wed, 31 May 2006 04:03:55 GMT

Isn't it odd how we miss the things we dread? I miss budget meetings and laying out pages and editing photos. It made me sick at the end of the school year to think of those things, but now I miss them. I don't miss fighting with the staff and feeling poorly about myself. I miss using the cameras. I will never miss taking a group photo [ever, not in my life], but I miss spontaneous composition through a lens.
I miss studying! One never thinks they will say that, but I miss learning and finding new bits of knowledge to share with my roommate (I think that annoyed her sometimes). I miss cramming for the next Lifespan quiz - studying 40 notecards with simple definitions in an organized fashion every night. I miss lectures with Dr. Lund and his simple sarcasm that was strangely refreshing at 8:00 AM every Tuesday and Thursday.
I miss reading something intelligent. I know I craved those trash magazines at the end of the school year, just to know I was not a robot - but now I'm sick of them. I miss late-night talks knowing that you are giving up a good night's sleep for the intimacy of the conversation.
I miss the Upland foliage and the ever-changing weather [Illinois is just as bad, if not worse].
I miss 40 emails a day and knowing that you are needed somewhere [I don't miss forgetting to respond to said emails]. I miss a regular lifestyle the most - one punctuated by meetings and classes and study sessions - and knowing exactly how my day would go at the beginning of each morning.
On that note... I am so happy to be home. Despite missing all of these small aspects of my life, I love sleeping in each day. I love waking up to sunlight, not streetlights. I love eating breakfast every morning while enjoying either the news or a syndicated TV show. I love being outside when I want and soaking in warm rays of summer sun.
I love summertime email that catches you up on the lives of friends you used to live with. I love having clean clothes every day and not a massive pile of dirtiness in my closet. I love having alone time to think and relax.
I love seeing my family and friends from home, as different as things have become over the past few years. I love lunch dates and sharing - making up for lost time over Starbuck's Coffee. I love planning vacations and exciting activities without the worry of "when will I get this project done."
I love the slow pace of summer with the thought that in a few short months life will return to the fast-paced-busyness that I sometimes crave. I love reading the New York Times every morning without paying for it. I love having a caffeine-free diet because I honestly don't need the boost.
This connundrum that I face with each end of the school year is strange and yet I love the most that I can lead two completely different lifestyles and think fondly of both.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tue, 02 May 2006 21:54:34 GMT

okay, so i can't focus on homework AT ALL... so i did this instead...

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT...

1. Made you smile: Erin
2. Saw you cry?: Umm... either my mom or Matt
3. Went to the movies with you?: Matt... "Thank you for smoking"
4. Talked to you on the phone last?: my mom

DO YOU PREFER...

1. Flowers or candy?: flowers... but only the good stuff
2. Gray or black?: gray
3. Color or Black & white photos?: definitely depends on the situation
4. Lust or love?: love
5. Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset
6. M&M's or skittles?: M&Ms
7. Staying up late or waking up early?: staying up late... but only if i can sleep in

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Do you like anyone?: yes :)
2. Smoke?: no
3. Steal?: only candy from the ironing board
4. Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really
5. Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl?: weird question... in the past yes... currently no

DO YOU PREFER...

1. Sun or Moon?: moon
2. Tea or Coffee: COFFEE
3. left or right?: this could mean many things...
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?: two best friends for sure
5. Sunny or rain?: depends on my mood
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: currently? chocolate

closure

Tue, 02 May 2006 01:00:14 GMT

I think that I am at the point now where I can reflect on everything that has happened this week. It has been one of the worst weeks of my life, and in sheer terms of stress, definitely the hardest.
I don't know if you all have heard what happened this week at Taylor, so I will just give as brief of details as possible.
Wednesday night a group of six Taylor students and three staff members headed up to Fort Wayne to prepare a banquet for the Inauguration ceremonies for the weekend. They were very short on students, which is why so many staff went, and many of the students were not planning on going.
On their way back to Taylor, at 8:15 pm, a semi-trailor truck driver fell asleep (they think) and crossed the median into the southbound lane of I-69 hitting the Taylor van filled with students and staff, tearing off the entire side of the van and ejecting several people.
Back at campus we heard of the news only when a friend at another school saw it on the 10:00 news. We had no idea what was happening, who was involved, and that it was a catering group. The entire campus headed to the chapel at 11:00 for a prayer vigil.
At 2:00 am, we finally learned the most devastating news. Four students and one staff member were killed instantly, one student and one staff member were in critical condition, and two other staff members were also in fair condition, as well as the truck driver.
The deceased were: Seniors Brad Larson and Betsy Smith, Junior Laurel Erb, Freshman Whitney Cerak and staff member Monica Felver.
Laurel lived on my wing and was a close friend. We shared a love for photography, and we worked together as caterers. I looked up to her; she was funny, wise; beautiful, and so caring.
Laurel's funeral was today and it was one of the most tragic things I have ever gone through. She was so young and so full of life - it seemed very unreal.
Her fiance, Nate, needs prayer. We all care very deeply for him, and he loved Laurel with all of his heart, as did she. The same goes for all of the others lost in the accident. I still cannot believe this has happened, especially to a campus so small and so close. I knew everyone but Whitney, but only because I hadn't gotten the chance to get to know her.
The experience of learning the names in the chapel is so vivid in my memory. It was as if God let out a huge sob at once, and everyone started weeping for lost friends, family, and peers.
It's very difficult to put this all into words at this point; mostly I don't know what to say.
Melissa is doing much better, her heart is pumping on it's own and she is breathing and talking (the last I heard - when I went to the hospital on Saturday), and I actually was able to see her. She was joking (no laughing) and said she was jealous that we got to spend all of our time with her fiance and her family :) My friend Emily was here so that was wonderful - made me feel normal again.
Anyway, I think that's all of the updating I can do at this point; I really appreciate all of the encouraging words and prayer that have been sent.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 02:56:15 GMT

Please please pray for my dear friend Melissa and her fiance Brad. Melissa has undergone major open heart surgery to remove a large blood clot blocking her pulmonary artery. She is still in very critical condition and in need of prayer because it's all we can do to help.
Details are very long and in depth so if you want more information you know how to reach me. Pray that the device keeping her heart pumping blood will strengthen her weakened heart and allow her to function without machines. Pray for her family, for Brad and his family, and for all of her friends and loved ones.
thanks

special things

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 02:18:24 GMT

This weekend was worthy of blogging. Although the weekend itself was not especially... special... there were a few things that made it more interesting than other weekends.
On Friday night I drove down to Muncie in between storm cells that were hitting the East-Central Indiana area. As I drove, the weather seemed a bit more windy than usual, but my car was safe. However, as I traveled south on what can only be described as a very abandoned country road, the sky behind me grew darker and darker and darker. I was very thankful that I was not caught in the mess that was Taylor University. I later found out that there was a tornado warning and everyone had to run for cover.
When I got to Muncie, Matt and I ran over to Jack's, an awesome camera shop, and I picked up a new card reader for The Echo. While we were waiting, we reviewed the stock of camera supplies that Jack's had... and drooled-totally unashamed.
After Jack's, Matt and I drove to our Church and parked to avoid searching the downtown area for non-tow areas. We walked to this pizza/diner type place called Greek's Pizzeria and had sandwiches. While we were eating, we noticed it was hailing pretty heavily outside and hoped it would stop before we had to leave. It did.
Then we went to the Student Center at Ball State U. and saw Sarah and Scott's band "Hyperdrive Go!" play an awesome concert. It was a lot of fun (Matt really liked being able to say that he knew the band). Hyperdrive Go! played with another band called Harry and the Potters and they were hilarious. They looked like a cross between Napoleon Dynamite and a very old Hogwarts student.
On Saturday I woke up at 5:55 AM!!!! for the ICPA convention at the University of Indianapolis. There were a few of us from the Echo going, and we took a crappy Taylor car downtown. Despite the very early morning, I was pleased because we got to stop at Starbucks and I had a yummy vanilla latte and a heavenly blueberry muffin.
The convention itself was very good, the speakers were all qualified and helpful. As a paper, we won several awards and finished up as the 2nd place best school of the year for newspapers. WOOT!! I received the first place awards in best news photo, best sports photo, and best photo story. I was stoked.
Saturday afternoon Matt came up to Taylor and we had dinner and then.... this is the pinnacle of the weekend.... he gave me lesson number two in "How to drive stick." I did better than last time - no scary bouncing of the front end of the car - but was still very frustrated. Matt was very patient with me and I was about to give up when, finally, I reached the fantastic friction point and started to move. I was moving!! Yes!! Now what? We were in a relatively abandoned parking lot and I was driving in circles so Matt said, okay do you want to shift?? Shifting? I was just happy with going 10 miles per hour because I was moving instead of stalling. He is a persistent person, though, so I decided to shift. Matt failed to tell me to let OFF of the gas when you push in the clutch to shift, and when I did so, it made this nasty screeching sound. I freaked out and let off everything and the car died. But I DROVE and that was so exciting.
Anyway, that was about the most exciting things that have happened recently, and since I have way too much homework to do and am not creative enough to conclude.... I leave you with these words...
"You're starin' down the stars
Stay where you are
You're jealous of the moon
But there's nothing you can do
If you're too scared to try"

Decisions

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 14:49:10 GMT

This is the first fifteen minutes of semi-free time I have had in months. Literally. I am sitting at my stimulating job in the ETC, at 10:30 on a Saturday morning, and the only action that's happening is that Joe, one of our managers, brought his little baby girl in and he is pushing her around the lab on a chair and she is saying "eeeee!" with a grin on her face.

As for my lengthy silence on this blog, let's just say I've been overrun. I don't really feel like complaining about my life because we are all busy and stressed out, and I don't want to always vent and be negative. Essentially, it's midterms and their are tests and projects due (I am taking two of my hardest, most time-consuming classes this semester), the yearbook is closing in on deadlines which mean me taking photos everyday of the week of classrooms, clubs, and events, and the flu has been rampaging our campus.

In the midst of all of this busyness, I found very little time for sleep, relaxation, and meditation. This truly added to my feeling rundown and tired because I only spent time working and on homework. So I decided something this week. On Tuesday, I had classes, labs and work all day, then I ran back to the dorm and grabbed my ID to go to dinner. After dinner, I decided that I would go run (I hadn't done this is a while here at Taylor). I could have edited photos, gone and taken pictures, or read my Lifespan book (or any other homework). But exercising lets me release tension, lets me feel good about myself, and helps me sleep better. So hang the homework, I went to the Well for an hour before my Yearbook meeting. It felt so good. And then, due to my bold move of ignorning homework, I finally got up the nerve to tell our editor in chief that I was doing way too much and was exhausted. It didn't work out quite as I hoped, but I felt better for doing it.

So, I decided that I was no longer going to sacrifice my personal time (e.g. working out) for things like homework and working. It wasn't fair to me, and generally I am crabby when I do sacrifice it, so it's better for others as well. I will say that this was my plan for Thursday too, to skip out on the Echo for an hour to work out. That didn't happen. The results were that I was exhausted, irritable, and unhappy. So, I learned my lesson from that.

In other news, last weekend was my cousin Kelly's wedding. Matt and I were the official photographers, and despite the fact that it was a great learning experience, I decided that I will never take photos of someone's wedding that I love. I found it challenging to both be emotional and caring about what was happening and get a good photograph in. So don't ask me to be your photographer. I was to be your friend, not your employee. But the pictures were... great :) and Kelly was beautiful and I am so happy for her.

This is my Uncle Greg and Kelly (his daughter), telling her some last minute words of wisdom.

So hopefully the next time I blog will be soon. No guarantees.

Second Semester Blues

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 23:36:41 GMT

Sometimes I find it funny that I don't go completely insane. I'm sorry that I haven't been updating -- this has honestly been the worst semester (in terms of work) so far at Taylor. I am taking 17 credit hours (which is maxing out here), full of lots of major classes and irritating gen-eds. The major classes that I am taking are essentially the most time consuming and difficult classes in the psychology major (whoops), and I have to do well in them. So I have been spending a lot of time studying and making flashcards for all of those.
Also, the Echo seems to be a lot more challenging this semester. I feel constantly torn about my feelings toward the publication and the people who work at it. I care a lot more about the money involved than I once did, and find myself expending a lot of emotions over things I shouldn't.
The yearbook is at crunch-time right now as well. There are tons of photos that need to be taken, and most of them are boring (e.g. classroom shots and club photos). The problem I am facing here is that there seems to be a lot of disorganization and that never helps. Additionally, I have to take time out of my schedule almost daily to get all of these photos in. It requires begging professors to be let into their class to essentially disrupt it and distract the students. Fun times.
I am also still working at the ETC which takes up a lot of my free time (when I could be studying...or sleeping). Trying to balance a social life in the midst of all of this is difficult, to say the least. The times that I do spend with the girls on my wing are spent studying or on the phone.
All of this is to say that I am sorry that I have been neglecting this thing, but I barely have time to consolidate my thoughts, let alone put them in print (or online). Hopefully spring break will come very quickly (5 weeks) and I can spend my time resting and enjoying people's company. Until then, I love you all, but xanga is not on my top priority list currently.