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| Okay, so I figured an update on my life was much needed. So much has happened this summer; so much has changed. I feel like a completely different person from the one I was in May. So here goes....
This was the summer of three weddings and a funeral. So much joy amidst so much pain. It's hard to put into words how I feel about everything that's happened in the last eleven weeks. There have been multiple times where I have tried to talk about something that happened, but I felt odd leaving out the parts that can be difficult to mention. It seemed somewhat like a lie to say that I was thrilled about something when I was feeling the opposite emotion about something else.
I left Taylor at the end of May unsure of where I was in life. It felt like I was cutting myself out of everything that had happened at Taylor in April. It was ... easier it seemed to just leave without dealing with the emotions that I felt. So I did. It probably wasn't the most healthy thing to do, but it was so much better than thinking about it at the time.
I spent my last week at Tayor scrambling to study for finals, frantically finishing the yearbook, packing, and saying goodbyes. I don't remember a lot of detail from that week, except for a few that really struck me. Someone who I consider a good friend had what TU students call a "carefrontation" with me the last week of school that hurt. A lot. I still don't know how I feel about the situation except that it left me with a sour taste in my mouth for the so-called Taylor community. I think looking back on it, things were said in haste that shouldn't have been said. I've gotten over the words, but not how they were said.
When I got home after spending several sleepless nights with our dear yearbook advisor working on that dreadful project, I crashed. I think I slept (and watched TV) for two days straight. Finals were over, sophomore year was over, and I needed to rejuvinate.
I talked to Giordano's, got on the schedule to waitress, and started my summer off the following week.
The first wedding I went to this summer was Bryan and Claire Smith's. It was beautiful. For those of you who don't know, Bryan is Matt's cousin. The wedding was in Michigan in June and despite a brief rainstorm the night of the rehearsal, everything went off without a hitch. After the wedding , Matt, his parents, sister, and I went up to Mackinac Island for a fun vacation. I had never been there, and I had a really great time getting away for a week or so (see previous post for photos).
When I got back from the wedding, I started working several nights a week as a waitress. I got to know a lot of new people and I really enjoyed their friendship over the last three months. Sometimes I made a lot of money ... and other times I didn't. But I can't say it wasn't interesting. I loved my regular tables (especially the cute old couple that always ordered spaghetti with meatsauce and italian sausage and gave me a $10 tip every time).
In the middle of June I was called on to serve as a nurse, chauffeur, and cook for poor wisdom-toothless Matt. By nurse I mean push vicodin, by chauffeur I mean get a speeding ticket in middle-of-nowhere Indiana, and by cook I mean go to Panera and by smoothies. But at least I was appreciated :)
The next wedding I attended was Melissa and Brad Moser's. I cried a lot at that one. It was so beautiful to see how far they have come as a couple in the last year and a half. I adore Brad so much more because of how faithful and loyal and loving he was to Melissa through her sickness and heart surgery. I also got to spend several days with my good friend Megan and her boyfriend. I revisited parts of Chi-town that I haven't seen since I was eight. It was great.
The following week came the most difficult part of my summer. After struggling for four weeks with advanced stages sarcomas (a rare form of cancer), Caitlyn's dad passed away in his sleep. He was too young. All I wanted to do through all of it was be there for my best friend, but what do you say? How do you say I am so sorry beyond words and not make it sound mundane? I don't know, and I don't think I ever will know. It brought up a lot of stuff that I didn't deal with at the end of the school year, and it pushed my emotions to the limit. However, I will say that I was glad to see so many people rally around Caitlyn and her family, even though most of us hadn't seen each other in over a year. The best news is that I will go to Florida to visit Caitlyn this year and I truly cannot wait.
After another month of spilling ranch and creamy garlic dressing on myself at Giordanos (never knew I could smell so bad), I took a week off to fly to Arizona with the aforementioned Melissa for Emily and Anders Helquist's wedding. YAY!! FINALLY!! This was just last week and I think I can say this was one of the best part's of my summer. Emily called me a few weeks before the wedding and asked me to be her "personal attendant" for the wedding. I was honored. Em was one of my best friends at TU freshman year and I got to personally see her's and Anders' relationship change and grow. Emily, Anders, Matt and I all worked on the paper together and consquently spent many many hours together.
Emily made the perfect blushing bride as she planned, coordinated and set up her entire wedding. She was confident, happy, and non-stressed the entire week. The ceremony was gorgeous - a late evening wedding lit by candles with romantic red to accent the wedding white. I had so much fun and I will post photos of the pre-wedding fun on my photoblog later.
So. That was my summer (mostly). I leave for Taylor in three days and tonight was my last night as a summer waitress. I got accepted into the Irish Studies Program for the spring semester and I leave on January 19th. I plan on making the most of last four months in the states. In three days I will embark on my last semester living in English Hall. I will face the things that I avoided for the beginning of the summer with newfound strength. I will spend the next sixteen weeks studying, working on the newspaper, but most of all-having relationships. Because if I learned anything from my three weddings and a funeral it was that people are by far the most important.
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| I have a new blog. It is dedicated to the photos that I have
taken and am currently taking. You can go visit, view, and
comment if you like. The url is
http://alissegoldsmith.blogspot.com/ Enjoy!
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| how do i process this: http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/newssentinel/14710138.htm
see this blog for more details - too much to go into right now
so many mixed emotions all at once
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| Isn't it odd how we miss the things we dread? I miss budget
meetings and laying out pages and editing photos. It made me sick
at the end of the school year to think of those things, but now I miss
them. I don't miss fighting with the staff and feeling poorly
about myself. I miss using the cameras. I will never miss
taking a group photo [ever, not in my life], but I miss spontaneous
composition through a lens.
I miss studying! One never thinks they will say that, but I miss
learning and finding new bits of knowledge to share with my roommate (I
think that annoyed her sometimes). I miss cramming for the next
Lifespan quiz - studying 40 notecards with simple definitions in an
organized fashion every night. I miss lectures with Dr. Lund and
his simple sarcasm that was strangely refreshing at 8:00 AM every
Tuesday and Thursday.
I miss reading something intelligent. I know I craved those trash
magazines at the end of the school year, just to know I was not a robot
- but now I'm sick of them. I miss late-night talks knowing that
you are giving up a good night's sleep for the intimacy of the
conversation.
I miss the Upland foliage and the ever-changing weather [Illinois is just as bad, if not worse].
I miss 40 emails a day and knowing that you are needed somewhere [I
don't miss forgetting to respond to said emails]. I miss a
regular lifestyle the most - one punctuated by meetings and classes and
study sessions - and knowing exactly how my day would go at the
beginning of each morning.
On that note... I am so happy to be home. Despite missing all of
these small aspects of my life, I love sleeping in each day. I
love waking up to sunlight, not streetlights. I love eating
breakfast every morning while enjoying either the news or a syndicated
TV show. I love being outside when I want and soaking in warm
rays of summer sun.
I love summertime email that catches you up on the lives of friends you
used to live with. I love having clean clothes every day and not
a massive pile of dirtiness in my closet. I love having alone
time to think and relax.
I love seeing my family and friends from home, as different as things
have become over the past few years. I love lunch dates and
sharing - making up for lost time over Starbuck's Coffee. I love
planning vacations and exciting activities without the worry of "when
will I get this project done."
I love the slow pace of summer with the thought that in a few short
months life will return to the fast-paced-busyness that I sometimes
crave. I love reading the New York Times every morning without
paying for it. I love having a caffeine-free diet because I
honestly don't need the boost.
This connundrum that I face with each end of the school year is strange
and yet I love the most that I can lead two completely different
lifestyles and think fondly of both. | | |
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okay, so i can't focus on homework AT ALL... so i did this instead...
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT...
1. Made you smile: Erin
2. Saw you cry?: Umm... either my mom or Matt
3. Went to the movies with you?: Matt... "Thank you for smoking"
4. Talked to you on the phone last?: my mom
DO YOU PREFER...
1. Flowers or candy?: flowers... but only the good stuff
2. Gray or black?: gray
3. Color or Black & white photos?: definitely depends on the situation
4. Lust or love?: love
5. Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset
6. M&M's or skittles?: M&Ms
7. Staying up late or waking up early?: staying up late... but only if i can sleep in
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Do you like anyone?: yes :)
2. Smoke?: no
3. Steal?: only candy from the ironing board
4. Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really
5.
Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl?: weird question... in the past yes... currently no
DO YOU PREFER...
1. Sun or Moon?: moon
2. Tea or Coffee: COFFEE
3. left or right?: this could mean many things...
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends?: two best friends for sure
5. Sunny or rain?: depends on my mood
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: currently? chocolate
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